Kiss Longer. Live Fuller. Laugh Harder. Smile Sweeter.

Today was really good for me.
I definately didn't get enough sleep last night, haha. But that's ok, I made up for it later in a nap---2 naps actually =)

I had my christian thought class at 8:30, and my group had our presentation today. It turned out really good...we got a 93. After that was chapel, and it wasn't bad today. Worship was good...but the sermon--idk. I was so tired I couldn't pay attention.
I ate lunch with Josh today. Things have just been weird between us, I feel bad that I don't hang out with him as much---so I'm trying to make time for him. I want him to know he's still important to me. I feel like that with a lot of my friends lately---on & off campus. I've just been so busy with school & work, and I like to hang out with Andrew too...and honestly i haven't been seeing him that much either.

So after lunch I finished my bib interp...and I took a nap. Then I had finance. And guess what!? I passed my midterm! Not only did I pass it...I got a 74%--Which is SO good!! =) I was so proud of myself...and so glad after that. Because my midterm depended on me dropping the class or not.
Then had choir...shooooooooooottt meee! If faith wasn't in that class with me---idk what I'd do. I would go insane!!! 

Then was dinner...I sat with Faith, Allen, & Jackie. It was SO fun. I haven't laughed that hard in a longggg time. I thank God for start team 7. FOR REALLL. I'll never forget those people.

Then I took another shorttt nap. Went tanning. Started homework. Did some laundry. Then went to the library to "do homework" and see Andrew. I'm so glad i went though...even though I didn't get ANY homework done. lol. We had a really good talk. He told me how he felt about me...and i did likewise. But let me say this---it's so nice for a guy to come out--on his own---and tell you how much he likes you, and all the things he likes about you--things that aren't JUST physical. Not to sound like I have a big head or whatever...but guys tell me all the time how pretty I am--but for a guy to tell you how much he loves that you love the Lord...and how he loves your personality, and etc. It's just so nice. idk. But I told him I like him too---and that I want to take things slow. I've rushed so much in the past and have messed up so much--I just want it to be different this time. I want to do things right...and I want it to be based in Christ---and I want it to be an answer to prayer. I can just tell it's different already.
He's wonderful & I'm so thankful to have someone like him in my life =)

So now, I have to finish reading for New Testiment!!!
Then bed =) =)

Peaceee.
Julie <3




I don't understand your ways
but I will give my song
give you all of my praise
you hold on to all my pain
with it you are pulling me closer
and pulling me into your ways

Now around every corner
up every mountain
I'm not looking for crowns
or water from fountains
I desperate in seeking, frantic believing
that the sight of your face
is all that I'm needing
I will say to you

Its gonna be worth it,
Its gonna be worth it all,
I believe this.
You're gonna be worth it,
You're gonna be worth it all. <3

So, I stumbled upon my livejournal...that i honestly forgot about. It says the last time i updated was 43 weeks ago. That is a long time. And let me tell you something, my life is not the same. Everything is different from that last entry. It's so weird, so funny, so strange, so amazing, so mindboggling how much your life can change in a certain amount of time. I mean really, 43 weeks is a long time but not A LONGGGG time. wow. i've been through so much, i wouldn't even know where to start.

So i'm bored at work, and i saw a question when i logged in, if you're having writers block (which i'm not, just thought it would be something fun to do), answer this question:

If you could travel back in time to spend a day with someone, who would it be and why?

I figure it's something to do, this could be interesting. I guess maybe i think way too hard about things, but my question is, which angle would they like this from? Someone i don't know--who i would like to meet? Or someone i know that i would want to spend a day with? or someone i knew, and passed away?
So if i could interperate the way i would like to, i would spend a day with my great grandmother--Elizabeth Sliker aka Nanni. 
She died about 7 years ago, one of the most memorable summer's of my life. It was summer of 2002, i was 14 years old. I specifically remember fair that year because it was the fair that i started liking Brad (if you didn't know, my first boyfriend). After fair, Colleen & I went to Bliss Summit Bible Camp, which was also an amazing week. I remember how blonde my hair got that summer because i was outside almost every day. That was the last year i went to Bliss...man, i loved that camp so much. The day we got back from camp, my mom told me Nanni had been in the hospital all week, and she wasn't doing good, but she was waiting to see Colleen & I, we were the only two who hadn't gone into see her yet. So we did, and i still remember she looked so sick, so frail. She didn't talk much, but you could see from the expressions on her face how happy she was to see us. I remember after leaving, i cried and cried because i knew it wouldn't be too much longer before she passed away. The next day, July 28th, she passed--and i just couldn't believe it. Nanni wasn't supposed to die, she had always been there. She was 97 years old...and she had lived such a happy, health, long life. I wish she was still here today so she could have taught me more about life. She was so wise. Her funeral was the last time my mom's side of the family has ever been all together. I haven't seen some of my first cousins since then. It was a really sad day, but all of us knew she was in a better place and she wouldn't be in pain anymore. 

So if i could go back and spend one day with someone, i think it would be her. But i would want to be the age i am right now. Back then i wasn't old enough to appreciate her wisdom and all of the things she did for me. It wasn't really like she was my great grandma--she was more of a grandma. She was always there. She was more of a mother to my mom than my mom's actual mother. Nanni meant so much to me. There's a few things, when i see them that remind me of her. Pink wintergreen mints, the book-the three billy goats gruff (she ALWAYS read that to me), flowered couches, tomato juice, tea, promise margarine, bologna, apricot juice, and oatmeal cookies. She was the best grandmother ever, and i wish she could have been alive to see me and my siblings grow up to the people we are now and to see the places we are now. I think she'd be really proud of us. She's one person that impacted my life in huge ways, even as a young child. I hope and pray that i can grow up to HALF of the woman she was.

In our hearts always...RIP Nanni. 7/28/02


So anyways, to give a short update, my life is amazing. God is good. I couldn't ask for anything better. I'm still living and learning, going day by day, and at the same time...wanting the hands of time to stop. I love where i am right now. I guess i just don't want to miss everything. i want to live my life to the fullest, experiencing all that i can! I've been through so much this past year--gained and lost. The people i've met have changed my life forever. I have new ambitions, but still mixed with the old ones. This next year is a big one for me i have a feeling. 

But i'm doing so good. Hopefully i'll keep up with this thing, now i have more time on the computer because i work with one at my new job. =)

Today i go to state fair for 5 days...for the last time. I still can't believe it. I feel so old. gooodnessss. i just can't wait...it's going to be the best year EVERRR. even though, nick won't be there =(

Peace, I'm out.
<3

Well yesterday it was so crappy out. i'm so sick of the rain. buuut i guess it could be worse.
i had my accounting test...and i think i did really good. i hope i did good.
i had to work too. with meghan and laura. it was actually kind of fun. meghan's so funny, because she's so blunt. i love it. but it was soooo slow. and i was supposed to meet jen, chris (mr. tennessee) and his brother steven in batavia. so they let me leave early, seeing we had 3 ppl on. i was so happy!!! i really miss mr. tennessee. so it took me about a half hour to get there, i met them at sportos. it was good to see chris. and jen. i miss her too. but let me tell you, seeing chris was a little weird. it was, but it wasn't. like i miss him, but i dunno. cause we used to have a thing, and we almost dated. so its kind of like a bittersweet thing. cause we wanted to be together, but it wasn't gunna work because of distance. he's soo fricken funny. and i definately didn't rememeber how cute he is. omg. lol. buuuut i have jon now right?

chris & steve had to leave at like 10.and i was just gunna leave after that, but i was like--i didn't just drive 30 mintues for nothing. ha. so jen & i rented a movie and we took it to deb's apartment and surprised her when she got home from work. we got "the break up". i had seen it in the theater. it's a good movie, but it's ending is TERRIBLE. it ruins the whole movie. so yeah. we watched that. and jen left---and i was too tired to drive back to rochester--plus it was raining. so i just stayed the night @ deb's apartment.

i got up today at 8, and headed back to ra-cha-cha. lol. i had math, then micro. i got a 42% on my test. i knew i failed. lol. but he said he's dropping one test grade. thank god. that's the worst i've ever done on a test i think. so then i stayed on campus, in hopes that i would get my business articles done. no such luck. i didn't get them done. but i did study for my test that i have tomorrow. so yeahh. then i had marketing. and that was so freaking boring. i hate that class.

i came back & took a nap before i had practice at 6. practice went welll. i am sooo sore. my abs hurt so bad. we got done w practice at like 9:45. they go WAYY over. it's not nice. lol. but i'm really glad i'm on the team. it's awesome. and i know i've already lost weight. and i'm not as hungry as much as i used to be. excersise is very good for me. lol.

sooo then i came back here...and i talked to jonathan. he's coming to see me friday night. i'm so excited. lol. i miss him, even though i just saw him saturday. he's just amazing. annnd i don't know. he makes me so happy. <3

so now, i need to do my business articles. and study more.
and its 12:30am. lol. this is not good, cause i'm super tired. and i'll probably just go to bed. ha.
ok. so i NEED to go.

PEACE.
I'M OUT.
<3


"Never [give up] on something that makes you smile."

wow, i can't believe its been almost a week since i updated this!! i'm slacking here.

ok, so wednesday i felt good as new. but i was still trying to catch up on homework. i had to work that night too.
but i got an email that day from the cheerleading coach, saying they still had spots open, and if you wanted to try out-to let her know. so i emailed her back right away!! i told her what happend, and i set up an appointment for friday night at 6:30. i was really excited, but not sure what to expect because they didn't say what i needed to prepare.

so thursday i had school & work.
i talked to jon wednesday & thursday all night. lol. let me just say, camera phones are amazing. ha.

friday i really didn't want to go to school. know why? because back at home, they had a HUGE snow storm, and every school was closed in genesee county & buffalo. colleges included. so jon texted me at like 6:30am saying he didn't have to go to school. lol. but it was crazy because it just happend like over night. my mom said it started snowing at 3 in the afternoon, and they got almost 3 feet over night!!! and they closed the thru way, so i wasn't sure if i'd be able to get home. and plus EVERYONE was out of electric. cause all the trees still have their leaves on, and the snow weighed down the trees and they all got knocked over, knocking over power lines. some people STILL don't have power and its monday. so yeah.

i went to school, and i really didn't wanna be there. and so then i was definately not going to cobleskill. it just wasn't going to happen this weekend, cause i'd have to go by myself, and i didn't want to. thats too long of a drive alone. at least it is for me. so then i did some homework, stretched and got ready for try outs. i was so nervous. i got there a little early to stretch more. there were 3 other girls trying out. all we had to do was 3 jumps...and a cheer that we already knew. i did "hey crowd" from high school. lol. i knew ms carroll would be proud. ha. sooo 2 of us made it out of 4. the other girl, anne, is such a sweet heart. I AM A MONROE CHEERLEADER!!! yea baby! how exciting!? i wanted to call my mom right away. lol.
so they had us stay for practice till 9. it was mostly paper work and going over the athletic code and guidelines and stuff like that. kinda boring. but i was so excited. omg. i was in shock. haha. i'm just so happy that i'm actually apart of something now.

so we got done, and all the girls were super nice. i was definately pumped. so i decided to go home, because my family had gotten power back. if they hadn't-i would have stayed in rochester. lol. cause i have power. its just so weird, because rochester was fine. and its only like 40 minutes away. ya know?

so i headed home, and i got there like 10:30. the thru way had opened too. so yeah. buut come to find out i should have just stayed in rochester. annnd you'll find out why later.
when i got home mom and dad went to bed, and i got a call. it was from jon!!! it was definately a pleasant surprise. i love when he calls me. lol. hes like we still don't have power...so we went to rochester for my dad's birthday. he's like we were like 5 minutes from your apartment!!! so then he's like---can you hang out tomorrow. because i wanna see you. so i definately said yes!!! haha. then i went to bed.

the next morning, mom and i went shopping, cause batavia had power back. so i got new shoes and a new shirt.
then we went to my grandparents cause my uncle kenny was supposed to be there, cause he was preaching in batavia this weekend at Grace Baptist church. buuut he was delayed and didn't make it till later. so we celebrated my dad and grandma's birthdays. then i left and went home and took a nap. then i called jon & he picked me up at around 7.

it was an amazing night, as usual. he got me & we went to henrietta's regal theater. so that was like 2 mintues from my apartment. jon's like--if you were staying up here, i would have told my parents i was staying with friends, and i would have spent the night with you. i was thinking--why didn't you just stay in rochester this weekend!!! lol. so we saw the departed. and it was really good. and jon REALLY liked it--which was good. and he picked it. lol. so then we went back to my house, and just hung out there. just talking & kissing and all that good stuff. but just being with him, was increadible. i hadn't seen him in over 3 weeks!!! it was terrible. lol. so hopefully it won't be that long till i see him next. but you never know. i hope not. cause as soon as he left, i missed him again. we just kept hugging and kissing....we just didn't want to leave each other. but finally hes like i really gotta go cause i still have to drive home. it was just a good night. and everytime i see him...i can't help but think i want to spend the rest of my life with him. i just can't see my life without him.

so the next morning, my church was cancelled, so we went to see my uncle kenny preach in batavia. well he was sooo good. i love to hear my uncle ken preach. he really connects to you and you can relate so well to him. he makes the bible seem so simple. lol. after chruch we had lunch at gram and gramps. then i went home, took a nap, got up and did HW, then went back out to Grace Baptist to hear my uncle again. this sermon was SO good. exactly what i needed. it was about putting your hope & trust in God. i mean i have already been doing that with my relationship w jon. and that just kind of made me see, that putting my trust in God was the best thing i could have done. because i know he has it all figured out.
but this time, rachel went with me!!! she was home from coby already, so i asked if she wanted to go. and she did. sooo then after we went to mcdonalds and subway. and i saw KATIE!! and fitchy poo---and i got my massage. it was AMAZING. i mean. omg. i felt like i was in heaven. haha. then i went home & everyone came back to my house. so i had to stay up till everyone left. lol.

sooo then this morning i got up at 8. pembroke was cancelled again, so my mom was there when i left.
i had math, then a economics test, that i doubt i did good on. i really think i did bad. but hopefully i passed.
then i had lunch. then marketing.
then i met up with tonia, from cheerleading to learn the dance.

then i came back and ate.
then i had practice 6-9:30.
wow is all i can say. i mean the level of ability in the group of girls we have is amazing. we did mounts, and this was our FIRST practice. we did liberties, and twist downs. and in the basket toss we did--the girl did a back tuck. omg. i was in awe. lol. but my first practice went good. it was a little long. buuut. i guess it wasn't too bad.

so i came back and studied for accounting. i'm so nervous about my test tomorrow.
buut yea. as soon as i'm done talking to jon tonight, i'm passing out in my bed.
i'm fricken exhuasted.


sooo i'm out.
<3




"Whom in heaven do I have but You? There is none on earth that I [desire] besides You. My flesh & my [heart] may fail; but God is the strength of my heart & my portion forever."
-psalm 73:25&26

monday's are always soooo exciting....

Yesturday, i woke up, feeling fine. i got all my things together & left to go back to college. it took about 40 minutes---normal time. then i got to my apartment, and my kidney started to hurt. so i just got all my books & left for school. well it started to really hurt & i was getting nervous...bc if you didn't know, i've had to go to the emergency room 3 other times for kidney stones. so i called my mom to ask her what i should do-because i had a math test at 10:00. she said to try & go to class...take some pain medicine, but tell my teacher about what's going on and maybe he'll let you take it another day or let you leave if you need to. so i got to class & told my professor what was going on, and he said that i could take it the next day at 12:30. i was soooo thankful for that. cause i wasn't feeling good, and i couldn't really concentrate on anything else. so i went back to my apartment & layed down hoping that the pain would get better.

so i got back to my apartment---i missed my math test & economics. but i knew it would be ok. at least this happend during non-important classes. so it was about noon, and i called my mom, and i'm like--i'm going to the ER, cause i can't take the pain anymore. so i left for Strong Hospital's ER at around 12:15. mom said she'd meet me there and bring colleen with her. i got there...and i had to go to pediatrics. i don't know why--cause i was 18. but whatever. so i got in, and i had to wait 15 minutes before they even asked me any questions. and usually when i go in at batavia they get me in right away, and get an IV in me--and then give me pain killers. well i had never been to that hospital before and it took them a while to put my history into the computers. ughhh. so then they got me in a room & put an IV in me. they were acting like i was stupid---like i didn't know what i was talking about. and i'm like---please, i could do this better than you. this is my 4th time doing this, thank you. so FINALLY they gave me morphine. and it still didnt take all the pain away. so they gave me more. then my mom came. and finally after like an hour & a half i saw a doctor. i mean, good thing i wasn't dieing or anything! lol. that's the worst and slowest ER i've ever been to. i'm so glad i took my pain killer before i got in there. i would have been in so much pain! so then they gave me a CT scan...and i have 2 more stones in my right side. soooo since january i've made 3 more stones. it totally sucks...

i left the ER about 5:30...then came back and mom got me all settled in. i just slept when i got back. but the rest of the night did not go well. mom wanted me to come home, but i said i'd be fine---and i wanted to stay cause i had class in the morning. so i did. but when i got up, i threw up and i figured it was from the pain medicine they gave me in the ER. and it was time to take more. sooo i took some, and i threw up again. so i fell asleep again, and when i got up at 10ish...i threw up AGAIN. then i tried to do my math HW...but i didn't get to far, cause i had to run to the bathroom to puke again. ha. it was not fun. so OBVIOUSLY the pain medication wasn't settling well. so i called my mom--and she called my aunt and asked her what i should do. so i took ibeoprofen with milk, and chewed some mint gum & went to bed.

when i woke up this morning-i felt a lot better. like 10 times better. so i got ready for school, and tried to do a little bit of my accounting hw.
i had accounting 10-12, and it went pretty good. i'm really understand what to do now! i'm excited. lol.
then i had my make-up math test at 12:30. and i think i did really really good on it!!! i can't wait to get it back.
then 2-3 i had business. that was soooo boring.

but now i'm back at my apartment, and i have to work 5-9:30. i'm not really excited about that...but i really need the hours. otherwise i'd call in and give them to someone. but i really can't...cause i gave up my hours last night.

sooo i'm pretty bummed about yesturday because i totally missed the cheerleading clinic. and it sucks. because i can't try out cause i didn't go to the clinic. soo there goes my idea for doing cheerleading at MCC. but everything happends for a reason right? i just have to trust God that this is the best thing for me. maybe this is a way of showing me that i shouldn't do cheerleading for now--and just focus on my studies.

SO YEAH! i had a big day. haha.
i just hope i don't get another one for a LONG time.


i'm o.u.t.t.i.e.
<3

If anybody had told me that anybody'd have a hold on me
I'd say they were out of their mind
But speaking of crazy, I'm finding lately
All I want, all I need is

More of your sweet love
Too much just ain't enough
I never needed a fix like this before
Too strong to resist
I don't know when to quit
Like a kid in a candy store
You keep me comin' back for more

I can't explain it; I'm more than infatuated
You got me good, I got it bad
There's no doubt about it; I can't live without it
What you got I just gotta have
So give me

More of your sweet love
Too much just ain't enough
I never needed a fix like this before
Too strong to resist
I don't know when to quit
Like a kid in a candy store
You keep me comin' back for more
<33

Welll thursday i had school && i worked. Brittany went home, so i thought i was going to be a lone all night, but melinda showed up at 11:30. so i chatted with her for a while. then went to bed.

i figured out thursday that i wanted to try out for MCC's cheerleading squad. so i'm gunna do it. i'm really gunna do it. i just feel like a bum. all i do is school work & go to subway. i mean i'm not a bum, and i do stuff. at least i work. but i dunno. and i feel like i've gained so much weight since i've been at school--even though i haven't really. but i don't want to get fat. i don't want to be unhealthy-and if i do cheerleading i know i'll stay fit & in shape. plus i'll meet a lot of people that way, and it'll look good on my resume that i did an extra program at college. ANND if i make the MCC squad, i might consider trying out for the buffalo jills in march. haha. we'll see...

Friday i had school once again. nothing special happend, just that i had my marketing test. annnd i really think i failed. the questions were sooo tricky. i don't know. i hope & pray i passed...bc i'm really good at marketing. and i was looking to minor in that. buuut. we'll see. lol. i love marketing---but my teacher is so boring.

so after class, i got all my things together & headed for home.
when i got home mom & i left right away for the doctors. cause i needed to get a physical for tryouts next week. after that-we picked up our subs at guy subs in akron.
we got home--and colleen was there!!!, ate & got ready for the homecoming game!!! we played Notre Dame & we won!!! i didn't really watch the game. lol. i never do...cause i'm too busy talking. haha...it's what i do best! but i got to see so many old friends!! it was fun.

after the game, i was gunna go to Lisa Kulpa's party--but it was freezing & i'm getting over a cold(if i don't get better i'll never be able to see jon!! lol). and christina called me and wanted to go to the movies. so christina met me, colleen, bethany & thomas at my grandparents house, and we headed up to regal. we saw "Employee of the Month". it was HILLARIOUS!!! i could not stop lauging. sometimes i felt like us 5 were the only ones who found it funny. haha. but it was good. i definately recommend it! then we went home & went to bed.

Saturday i FINALLY got to sleep in!! it felt increadible. i woke up at almost noon...and just hung out. got dressed, ate, all that good stuff. then debbie came to pick colleen & i up at 2:30 and we went out to batavia. We're planning our parents 25th wedding anniversary. soo yeah. we picked up some stuff for that & went grocery shopping for mom so she didn't have to. aww, we're such nice daughters!! lol.

then i had nothing to do. i was SUPPOSED to get together with kelly o'connor...but i couldn't get ahold of her. and I knew Jon couldn't do anything--cause he was at his grandparents. so i called up rachel & we went to the movies. we saw "The Illusionist". it was pretty good. we both thought it was a different movie..lol. but it was still good. i'm not sure if i would pay $8.75 for it...but definately rent it. it had a weird twist at the end, and i totally did not see it coming!! but it was so fun to hang out with rachel! i love her so much.

thennnn i headed over to Doug Bruning's house, cause he's home & he was having a fire. i'm really glad i went. it was so fun to see him & all my akron friends again. although chrissy was there...and she definately ignored me. so i said hi, i was the bigger person. i'm sorry-but she's such a bitch. oh well...
so i was there till like 1am. i just love doug's fires!! <3

Annnd today was sunday. which means i had to get up for church. lol. but it was good today. Pastor had a really really good sermon. i don't know, i just love church. i was just thinking today, that sometimes i get mad at myself for wanting to give up. sometimes i just didn't want to live anymore. buut now i look back, and it was dumb to think that. i know life is hard sometimes, but it's times in my life--like now, that make me so thankful for being alive. My life is so increadible;; and to think of the things i would have missed if i just gave up. it's sad. i mean i'm in college, i have an amazing family, and i would have missed being with Jon. i defintely would have never wanted to miss all the times i've shared with him...

so then i came home and got ready for the 2006 Klotzbach reunion. it was the same as always. but good to see my family :-). i might be weird...but i love family reunions. lol. then i took tom to work...and i just went home to get a nap in before my night full of homework. haha.

so i slept till 5:30...and just did home work for about 2 1/2 hours. geeeze. thats a lot of hw. but i have school tomorrow...while everyone else is off. it's not fair. lol. and i have a math test. that should be interesting...

but now Desperate Housewives is on...
&& i NEED to watch it. lol.
then i'm talking to jon after. YES! lol.
i miss him.


i'm peaced out.
<3



it's good to hear your voice
saying my name
it sounds so sweet
coming from the lips of an angel<3<3

So last night, i talked to Jon. All is good. He said he just didn't have enough time to write me back. and he said that he's not ready to be in a relationship right now. He said--i'm much too selfish right now to be in one. and i know i can't give you the time you need or deserve. and that's fine with me!! i just want to be able to spend time with him---when it's good for him. so everything is cleared up. i mean i wish we could be more serious right now--but its ok. i can wait. i would wait forever for him.

So today i woke up feeling really sick--like i got a cold coming in. and it sucks. i don't want to be sick!!! so i had class at 10. i really don't understand ANYTHING we're doing right now in accounting...BUT we got our test scores back...and i got an 88% on my first test!!! how awesome is that!? i couldn't believe it, i almost started screaming bc i was so happy. lol. this is the toughest class i have...and that's the class i scored best on. so i'm pretty pleased with that grade. now if i could only do better in math...

so now i have to study for my business class, call ramone from financial aid, and do some hw.
sounds fun...right? not really.
i can't wait till i don't have to go to school on saturday...unfortunately i have tons of hw for the weekend, i have to work an 8 hr shift, and i probably won't be able to see jon, unless he comes to church with me. buuut that could work. on the upside!! i get to hang out with marla, justina & caitlin friday night, and i get to see katie rip up the stage saturday night at jr. miss!!! i'm so excited!


yeah baby.
i'm peaced ouuut!
<33



i could stand up and sing you a song
but i don't want to have to go that far
and i, i got you down
i know you by heart
and you dont' even know where i start

i'll leave my window open
cuz i'm too tired to call your name
just know i'm right here hoping
that you'll come in with the rain.
<3

soooo yeah. i got some crazzzy stuff to tell you.
well monday night, i sent jon an email...telling him how i feel...and if he feels the same. or not. and all that good stuff. and it is now wednesday---and i haven't heard anything from him. no call, no texts, no IM, no email. sooo i don' tknow if that's a good sign or a bad one. but i think i'm gunna call him tonight or tomorrow to find out whats going on.

but tuesday-i had class & all that. did some hw. i had to work 5-9:30 with Laura. it wasn't too bad. then i got back from work and chilled with the girls & did some hw.

today i had class. i got my micro test back-i got a 72%. at least i passed...but to me, that's still horrible. i just want to do good! so i have a business test tomorrow, and i am gunna study my butt off for it. so then i had lunch, then i went back for marketing class. then i came back, did some HW, and chilled. then Craig Mest came over at 6...his brother is friends with my sister, and they wanted us to meet. so he came over and we watched Old School. it was funny...but so painful at the same time. number one---because this guy is so weird and hickish. lol. he is sooo not cute like bethany said he was. and i dunno. it was akward. he finally left...cause i said i needed to study. and the other reason why it was so painful..is because i wish it was jon!!! i wish he was here with me right now! i wish i could hold him---& he would tell me everything is going to be ok. i want him to kiss me & make the world go away. just me & him. for some reason...i get the feeling that him not responding to my email....is a very very bad thing. i'm hoping that i'm wrong...

so now i have to study.
but i probably won't.
i'll just think abut how i miss jon.
and how i mess everything up when it's going so well.

i'm out.
<3



I've packed a cooler and a change of clothes
Let's jump and see how far it goes
You got my heart and your daddy's boat
We got all night to make it float
We could sit on the shore, we could just be friends
Or we could jump in

Whole world could change in a minute
Just one kiss could stop this spining
We could think it through
But I don't want to, if you don't want to
We could keep things just the same
Leave here the way we came, with nothing to lose
But I don't want to, if you don't want to

I got your ring around my neck
And a couple of nights I don't regret
You got a dream of a degree
And a shirt that smells like me
Yeah we both got dreams, we could chase alone
Or we could make our own

Whole world could change in a minute
Just one kiss could stop this spining
We could think it through
But I don't want to, if you don't want to
We could keep things just the same
Leave here the way we came, with nothing to lose
But I don't want to, if you don't want to

Never waste another day
Wonderin' what you threw away
Holdin me, holdin you
I don't want to, if you don't want to

We could keep things just the same
Leave here the way we came, with nothing to lose
But I don't want to, but you don't want to

But I want you.
<3

Friday;;
Rachel came at like 6. i tried to do a little HW b4 she came, and take a nap. but i didn't get too far. haha.
so when she got here...we went to TGI Friday's for dinner. we had such a nice waitress...that almost never happends. it was so much fun. i just love rachel. so then we headed out to brad & dougie's house...in the ghetto. and it really was...i was so scared. lol. when i was talking to brad--he told me not to look at anyone, just look straight ahead. haha. so yeahh...we got there. and it was pretty much lame. we got there---and we met there other roommates-bob, jon, and mike. they're pretty cool. but they put in a street fight movie/porno. i can't believe they put that in.  lol. so after like 2 hours we left---and just as we were leaving, their friend mallory came--and she's so cool. i was really pissed that they didn't tell us she was coming,,bc we would have stayed.
so then rach & i went to walmart to get some food-and i had to get the justin timberlake cd for my friend christina for her birthday. so then we headed back to my apartment and watched anchorman. when it was over...i got a call from Craig--my sister's friend Dan's brother. he had called me the night before. but this time he called me from a restricted number. and we seriously talked for like 30-45 minutes. just about school, and what he looks like and what he does for fun, things like that. and he's like you should come over to my apartment in rustic village. buuut rachel & i didn't want to because we already had our pjs on, and looked nasty. but he kept asking. and i'm like let me think about it---give me your number. so he did...and it didn't look like the number from in my phone--the one he called from before. so i called the one that was already in my phone--and i'm like craig you didn't give me the right number!! he's like what are you talking about?!? i said--didnt i just talk to you for like 3o minutes...he's like no. i  was so in shock!!! i was like whhat!? i told him the whole thing...and he's like-nope that wasn't me. so yeah. i'm like you probably think i'm the biggest idiot. soo sorry. haha. i felt like such a dork. so i'm like i'll call you someother time...but this other person is calling me. so i answered the phone---and i'm like this is not craig!! who is it? so the guy was like-this is Greg...with a g. and i'm from warsaw and i'm 16 years old. omg, i started laughing so hard. i couldn't believe it!!! he had me going for so long. and it's because i have no idea what the real craig looks like or anything. so i believed everything this greg guy told me. lol. he was really nice though----but i was just thinking...waht if i really had gone over to his apartment--which wasn't really his? i could have got raped or something. buuut it was funny...rachel & i got a good kick out of it.

so saturday, i had to work 10-5. rachel left when i did. work was ok, i didn't really feel good. and it wasn't busy. so i left at 4:30. then i got all my stuff together and headed home. when i got there---i was talking to bethany-and she's like you wanna do something tonight? so i said sure, but she didn't get outta work till 7. so i just hung out with my mommmy till then. she came over & picked me up in her new, HOTT truck!! black ford f-150! it's awesome. and i'm jealous. lol. so we couldn't figure out what to do---so we went over to her dad's girlfriends house-Laura, and we had speghetti there. then we went to Tiffany's apartment. her boyfriend jake & his friend andy were there. they got a lame movie---so we left. then we went to her house quick, and stopped over at this guy's party---but that was lame too. so she just took me home. haha. but it was like midnight by that time. soo yea...good times with B. ha.

sunday--was christina's 21^st birthday...my baby!!! lol. i went to church..and it was the first sunday with the new worship team...it actually sounded good. buuut pastor went way too long with his sermon. after church we went home and mom still had to fix lunch---so Tom took me for a ride on his new dirt bike. OMG! it was soooo fun. it's HUGE, it was awesome. it goes so fast. haha. i wish i could drive it...but he won't let me. lol. but it was sweet.
then we had lunch, watched the Bills vs Jets game. then i took a nap, did some hw, and just hung out. i realllly wanted to do something with Jon, but that didn't happen. i don't know...it's like sunday nights are bad for me. lol. i got so depressed & worried. i don;t know why!!! i just keep wondering why jon doesn't call me. like if i didn't call or text him for the next 3 days...i probably wouldn't talk to him for 3 days. because i always initiate the conversation. soo i don't know if he doesn't want to--or if he doesn't think about me, or he's just busy. it's probably not a big deal. and i know it's not, bc he said something about it the other night. guys are so fricken lazy. i just get really worried that he doesn't want to be with me...but iknow thats not the case, because otherwise he wouldn't drive an hour to see me at my apartment. ya know? so i'm just super confused about everything. it was like 11pm, and i really wanted to talk to christina cause she always makes me feel better, but she didn't answer. so i tried to do someHW, but i couldn't concentraite. so i read my bible & prayed for like an hour. it felt so good...i just love God, he's always there & i know he's listening, and that he cares. i just prayed a lot about where Jon & i are going. because honestly? i can see myself with this guy for the rest of my life. buut does he want that? does he see it going anywhere? i just really need to talk to Jon, but i don't want to be too overwhelming & aggressive and scare him off. ya know? sooo i'm not really sure what to do. i guess i'll just keep praying about it & hoping that Jon calls me. haha.

so this morning, i woke up at 8-and headed back to my apartment. i had class at 10---and i failed my math test. i got a 54%. how terrible. well lets just say that didn't set my day off to a good start. plus i had a massive head ache from the night before cause i was crying so much. lol. i know what i'm doing---just not in factoring, and that's what killed me. i mean this isn't high school---i really have to do good in class. so i'm guna have to practice my math problems a lot or go to a tutor. so we'll see. an upside to this is i can retest if i want. so i think i'm gunna.
then i had economics and it went ok. we don't get our tests back till wednesday, and i just hope & pray that i pass. cause if i didnt, that would suck.
then my sister colleen called me, and we had a nice chat. i really miss her. i wish she went to college around here. but hopefully i can go visit her soon.
so then i came back to my apartment, and ate lunch.
then i had marketing 2-3. omg that class is so fricken boring. i just can't take it!!! lol. buuut it did go by fast today.
so when i ggot back, i returned the movie i rented with Jon & got starbucks.
then britt got back from class, and we went to work out. i ran a little over 3 miles. then i came back & stretched and did like a million crunches. i'm guna be so fricken sore tomorrow. lol. i think i need to take some ibeoprofen tonight. yeahhh drugs. haha.
so now, i REALLY need to do my homework. so yeah, i'm gunna do that.

i really miss jonathan.
i'm out.
<3

When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
There's no doubt in my mind where you belong

The storms are raging on a rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
You ain't see nothin' like me yet

There ain't nothin' that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
Make you happy, make your dreams come true
To make you feel my love
<33

sooooo i think i did OK on my math & accounting tests. i don't think i did good...but i don't think i failed. at least i hope i didn't fail. haha.
i had to work wednesday night.
annnnnnd last night...was good. it was more like amazing. haha.
well i went home after my business class. well actually i had a 4-H meeting with caryn & chip at the county park in Bethany. so i went there...then went home for a few minutes. i was hoping my parking pass would be in the mail...but no luck. but then i went tanning...and guess what!? i saw JUSTINA! i loooove her. and it was so fun to see her. but i had to go back to my apartment..cause Jon was coming to see me!!!

so i got back to my apartment && cleaned up a little. Jon called at like 7:30 to see if he could come yet. so i said sure...and i gave him directions. so while i was waiting for him, i studied for my micro test today. well jon didn't get here till 9. lol. he got lost on the 490, and finally got on the 390. but must have taken the wrong exit. cause he ended up on 252 instead of 15A. lol. i felt soooo bad. because not only did he have to drive here, but he got lost, and i couldn't tell him how to get here---bc i had no idea where he was. lol. so he eventually got here!!! i was so excited to see him! he looked handsome as usual. we kinda just hung out...and then we went to blockbuster to get a movie. welllll we couldn't decide what to watch. and he's like u pick. and i wanted to see this movie "friends with money" with jennifer aniston. and you would think it would be good because she's in it. so we rented it. it was the most terrible movie i've ever seen. i couldn't believe it. so not only did i get jon lost, buuuut i made him watch that bad movie. lol. this is the second bad movie i've picked in a row---so i told him, i'm not picking anymore. lol. so then we just watched tv...and ya know...talll hat other good stuff. haha. then it was 1:30---and he still had an hour drive home, so he left. plus he had a big accounting test in the morning. he's like---i should have just told my mom i was staying up at NU, then i could have spent the night with you. how amazing would that have been?? so he left...and i missed him almost immediately. i really didn't want him to leave. i've never liked someone like this before. it's like i just can't get enough of him. he makes me laugh, and i can't stop smiling when i look at him. he makes me feel giggly inside. he makes me want to be a better person. he makes me want to dream about the future. i cannot wait to take him to meet my family. lol. i think they'll really love him...i know my parents do. i don't know...i just really like him & love spending time with him. for the first time, i can really see this relationship going somewhere.

so today i was freaking exhausted!!! lol. jon texted me when he got home last night, and i don't remember it. but i guess i texted him back, cause there was one in my outbox...but i don't remember doing it. lol. i must have been tired. so i had math today, and my micro test. i think i did ok. it was all multiple choice...and i usually do bad on that. sooo we'll see.

now i'm back at the apartment.
and i have my marketing class at 2...that i dont wanna go to. i would rather take a nap. haha.
and tonight rachel is coming up to stay with me!!! yay.
and then we're going to brad & dougie's party.
it should be fun...i'm excited!!!

&& hopefully jon and i will be hanging out again this weekend.
i can't wait....
<3



i'm peaced out.
<3

Lying here with you
Listening to the rain
Smiling just to see
The smile upon your face
These are the moments
I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments 
I'll remember all my life
I've found all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more.

Well today was really good. i'm not reallly sure why, but i had a good day. well so far anyways. it was kind of a dreary day, nothing really happend, i was just in a good mood. My classes wern't terrible. i'm actually pretty confident about my math test tomorrow and my accounting test on thursday. which is good, and i'm very relieved.
I didn't go to bed till real late last night, just cause i wasn't tired. then i had to get up early to take a shower b4 class. that sucked. i had accounting till noon. during my break i got starbucks (mmmmm) and a brownie. it was very exciting. then i just chilled for a while. i wish i would have brought my laptop...bc i had to use the school computer and they wouldn't let us really go on myspace or anything. but i got my accounting hw done, and some of my online math hw. then at one, i met with ramone from financial aid. this whole situation is so frustrating!! but i'm going to rejoice in my sufferings! lol. i guess it'll be a few weeks till my financial aid kicks in. i dunno. i'm very confused, but i'm sure everything will work out. so then i went back in the library, and balanced my check book. then i headed down to my business class. that was at 2. and it was supposed to go till 3:20, but he let us out at 3:05. it was awesome. then i went to the bookstore and got a few things.

so now i'm back at the apartment. i have to work 5:30-9:30, i think with Amy. it shouldn't be too bad. other than i'm sick of work. haha. and brittany left for the night, so it's just me here tonight. but i have to study a lot, so i guess it's good i'm alone with no distractions...except my computer. lol.

sooo i better get going.
maybe take a little nap.

i'm out.
<33


I don't think that passenger seat
Has ever looked this good to me
He tells me about his night
I count the colors in his eyes

Don't ever fall in love
He swears, as he runs his fingers through his hair
I'm laughing 'cause I hope he's wrong
And I don't think it ever crossed his mind
He tells a joke, I fake a smile
But I know all his favorite songs

And I could tell you
His favorite color's green
He loves to argue
Born on the seventeenth
His sister's beautiful
He has his father's eyes
And if you ask me if I love him..
I'd lie

He looks around the room
Innocently overlooks the truth
Shouldn't I like your walk
Doesn't he know that I've had it memorized for so long

He sees everything in black and white
Never let nobody see him cry
I don't let nobody see me wishing he was mine

I could tell you
His favorite color's green
He loves to argue
Born on the seventeenth
His sister's beautiful
He has his father's eyes
And if you ask me if I love him..
I'd lie

He stands there, then walks away
My God, if I could only say
I'm holding every breath for you

He'd never tell you, but he can play guitar
I think he can see through everything but my heart
First thought when I wake up is
My God, he's beautiful
So I put on my make-up and pray for a miracle.
<333

so i was right.
i was just overthinking--he was just busy.
now i feel like an idiot.
although i would still really love to talk more indepth about it with him.
but i'm sure i'll get a chance when i see him next.

we're hopefully hanging out this weekend.
i am soooo excited! i miss him so much.
and he agreed to give me a shoulder/back massage.
what a great guy! right?

so despite my 2nd parking ticket,
and having to go to school,
all my worried thoughts,
work,
and my late night with homework...
it was gorgeous outside;;
and i had a pretty good day.

it's alll gooood.
<3

SOOoooo. i went home this weekend. and it was alright. It was full of cancellations. lol.

Rachel was supposed to come & sleep over at my apartment friday night, but she ended up going to Cobleskill instead with Alicia. which is totally cool...but i definately missed her this weekend.

Thursday, Sammy, came into the mall, and it was so weird! i was like why are you here?? you're supposed to be at college!! Well his grandpa had died...and the funeral was this weekend, so he was home. it was so good to see him. so we were planning on getting together friday night after i got outta work. my friend Jon from 4-H, and i were gunna hang out friday night, but i told him my friend was in town who i haven't seen in a while, so i cancelled with him. lol.

so work was ok. i was with Laura & she let me listen to country music!!! it was so exciting. lol. but then i called sammy...and it never happend. he was too busy with funeral stuff...which i totally understand. so it's not a big deal. i just said you worry about that--and we'll hang out some other time. And Jonathan called me that night & we talked for a while. well he didn't feel like going to the concert we planned on going to saturday night, so we were just gunna do something else.

So saturday i came home in the morning. I called up Marla, and we went out to lunch at Guy Subs in Akron. it was so fun. then we went to Akron park to walk around & take pictures. i'm so glad we went....i love her so much. sometimes i don't know what i'd do without her.
so when i was at her house, jon called me and was like, when i was doing my hw last night--i fell asleep and didn't get any of it done. so i'm gunna try to finish it so we can hang out tonight. and i'll call u later. but we probably won't get together till a lot later. which was fine. sooo i did my homework. went tanning & just hung out and waited for jon to call me. well he did at like 8:30, and he's like i guess it's not going to happen. i stil have a lot more to do. so i was kinda bummed. i was really looking forward to seeing him. so the rest of the night, it was just me and my mom. i called a million other ppl, seeing if they wanted to do anything, but everyone was busy-or still at college. i realized that night that being in college is so different. no one's home...and all your friends are gone. its weird. but christina called me and we had a nice chat. i love her so much.
so i went to blockbuster and rented 2 movies...and i was determined to do something that night, with someone or not. so it was just me, my couch & lindsey lohan. lol.

So sunday was good. i went to church. i was gunna go to Oak Orchard...#1-to see jon. lol. buuut my old pastor was in town speaking there. so i was gunna go hear him preach. but it was my parents last day on the worship team. so i had to go to my church. but christina was there anyways...and i just love her. we went out to lunch after-at the Candy Apple in Akron. She knows Jon as well, so we talked a lot about that. I'm just praying a lot about it...because it seems like somethings wrong. like something's wrong between us. i dunno. its weird. like i think he likes me, and i kkknow i like him. lol. but i'm not sure if doing his homework the other night was just an excuse to not hang out with me. i mean i sure hope it wasn't...but it kinda feels that way. because sunday, he didn't call me at all, and he didn't respond to my texts. so i just have been having some weird feelings. it just kinda makes me sad because i like him so much, and i feel like i've found the perfect guy i could spend the rest of my life with...and i don't want this to go away. i guess i'd rather have him tell me now that it's not going to work out...then to keep playing with my head. buuuut hopefully i;m just overthinking this...and it's all going to be fine.

so when i got home from eating, i took a nap.
i got up, did some more hw, then went tanning.

then i just felt like running...i just wanted to jog. it was wierd...bc i never wanna do that. lol.
so i ran about 2 miles down my road. and let me tel you what...it felt so good to do that. i mean i'm really out of shape...but running always gives me a chance to relax, and clear my head, and just think & pray about things. so it was really nice & i'm glad i did it. plus, it was sooo nice out. not hot, and not cold. it was perfect for a jog. and it's so beautiful outside right now. i just wanted to take it all in before it turns cold & starts to snow.
i love fall. and you know it's coming when the corn turns brown, the leaves turn orange, and you can just feel that certain thing in the air...it's beautiful.

i got back & i was sooo sweaty. it was gross. i took a shower right away.
then we went over to my aunt & uncles house. My cousin Teri was there, along with Brett, Loni & baby Mavrik. hes soooo cute. i love my new baby cousin.
i got home & finished my hw. then i called christina again. we talked for about an hour...and she just made me feel better. i think i'm gunna call her a lot & try to really be a better friend to her...maybe be best friends once again. because we're so much a like...but so different. and we love each other. lol.

sooo today
i got up-and headed back to school.
took in my laundry & stuff...
then i had class 10-12.
my economics test got pushed back to friday. i am sooo excited.
i ate lunch.
and now i have marketing till 3.
i'm not looking forward to that...


i
m .
o
u
t.
<33




Don't worry about what tomorrow will bring...